Chapter Four

The morning is grey, with dark clouds drifting over the sky. The Firmament fails to keep up its illusion with such little sunlight, and I leave it feeling even less sure of myself than I was before.

I watch the entrance this time, and witness it closing up behind us. From one side of the opening a thin door projects out, sealing perfectly with the jagged edge of the other. An impressive design to be sure, but nothing to do with creation. Just like the Firmament itself, it’s there to help make Jhon seem more impressive than he actually is. I find myself wondering what the man must have been before the expansion. I make a mental note to ask him, next chance I get.

We head back into the city. Iver is in a good mood, recruiting me seems to have paid off for him. Jhon’s asked him to stick with me, through what comes next. ‘This one’s gonna be big, Solis,’ He says as we walk. ‘If you thought Eden was good, just you wait, Jhon’s had his people working round the clock on this one. And news has spread fast, people know that you’ll be there Solis, the city’s ready to blow I’m telling you.’ He talks fast and grins often and I stop paying attention. He leaves us at the door to my place, with promises of meeting us here again later tonight. I head inside with Blue.

The first thing I do is fall face first onto my bed. I feel exhausted, but wired. I know I need rest but I am too anxious about tonight to get any.

‘You should eat,’ says Blue from somewhere behind me. I groan in response. I hear her sit down on the rug and turn my head just enough to see what she is doing. I must have missed the creation by seconds. Blue is sitting in front of a giant platter of food, spread out across almost the entire rug. She is busily serving up a plate of all kinds of dishes, piling a small amount of each before moving on to the next.

‘What the hell,’ I say groggily.

Blue looks up with a start, ‘Oh, sorry, I just wasn’t sure what you wanted so I made some of everything,’ she holds the now overflowing plate up towards me. I pull myself off the bed and onto the floor beside her. ‘You made all this?’ I ask in disbelief.

Blue looks embarrassed. ‘You’re right, it’s far too much, it only makes the choice harder with so much to choose from. I’ll get rid of some of it.’ She turns back towards the food.

‘No, no it’s not that Blue, this is amazing, it’s just I’ve never seen you create before. You’re good, like really good. Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I guess I haven’t really needed to until now,’ Blue looks a little confused as she replies, ‘why would I when I’ve been hanging around with the famous Solis, I’ve been leaving it to the pro I guess.’ She grins at me mischievously.

I take the plate out of her hands, the food smells incredible and my appetite rumbles back to life. ‘Yeah, leaving it to the pro alright,’ I tease back.

We spend the next few hours eating and laughing, and forgetting about most other things. Time creeps up on us unexpectedly. I rummage around for my jeans, lost over the course of the afternoon. I find them near the window and snatch them up hastily from the floor. As I fight to get them on, Blue bends down beside me and returns with something clutched in her hand.

‘Who is she?’ She asks softly.

I turn to look at her, my jeans back on again. She is holding up a crumpled photograph, one that must have fallen from my pocket when it was snatched up from the floor. I move over to her and take back the picture.

‘My mum,’ I say.

‘She seems… intense.’

I look up at Blue and let out a sharp burst of laughter. ‘Yeah intense is a good word for it, just be glad you never have to meet her.’

Blue looks a little unsure, ‘what, you don’t think she’d have liked me?’

I laugh again, ‘she only ever liked one person, and that’s just because he was the only person even more fucked up than she was.’

Blue doesn’t laugh with me, and she is still carrying a faint frown, etched around the corners of her eyes, as we walk out onto the streets to meet Iver.

--- There is no door this time, no building or stage. The grass is soft under my feet and the trees seem to breathe with life as the wind sweeps through their branches. The park is in the heart of the city, and it spreads for miles in either direction. As soon as I see the crowd it becomes clear why they chose this place.

‘There are thousands of them,’ I say, more to myself than anyone else.

‘More will turn up, it’s still early,’ Iver replies. He looks at the crowd hungrily. We walk around the edges of the collective. On the far side of the crowd the ground rises into a grassy hill, protruding out from the sea of people. There’s a group standing on it, elevated up above the crowd, I recognise one of them instantly.

‘What’s Solomon doing here?’ I fire the question at Iver.

‘He’s just here to help out, relax Solis, we’re all on the same side.’

I don’t relax. ‘Last time we saw each other he tried to consume me in case you’d forgotten.’

‘Well, you were kicking his arse pretty bad Solis, I mean a man like Solomon isn’t used to being backed into a corner.’

‘Oh no, how terrible of me to make him feel like he had to rip me apart, I’ll apologise right away.’ Blue laughs and Iver grins, and I feel glad my joke covers up how I really feel. Solomon tried to kill me, in one of the worst ways there is. I’ll never give him that chance again. If he even looks at me in a way I don’t like, I’ll kill him.

When we arrive at the hill, I get a clear view of just how large the collective is for the first time. It scatters across the wide open field, weaving between the trees and continuing on until the terrain obscures my view. Music vibrates through the air, coming from everywhere and nowhere, brought to life by the Collective’s desire. Lights descend from the lamp posts that litter the footpaths, exquisitely coloured and styled, despite the fact that there has been no electricity in this city for years. I can feel the energy of the people. This collective is a force of nature, just waiting for the chance to erupt.

The group on the stage move forward to greet us. A few of them I recognise, but Solomon is the only one I know by name.

Iver greets them all like old friends. ‘Kara, Ezekiel, can you believe it?’ he exclaims, grasping the hands of the two who seem to be leading the group. ‘Ever think you’d be in a collective like this? I can’t wait to see what it’s capable of once Solis here gets her hands on it.’ He nods towards me.

The pair named Kara and Ezekiel look me over, and I return the gesture. She is taller than he is, with straight dark hair and a prominent jaw line. She looks intimidating, but I know better than to trust someone’s looks. The man, Ezekiel, is smartly dressed and immaculately groomed. He would be handsome, if it wasn’t so painfully clear how hard he tries to be so.

‘She is small, isn’t she,’ says Kara.

‘Very,’ replies Ezekiel.

‘Hard to match the stories to the face.’

‘Always is.’

‘But it looks like she has some fire, don’t you think?’

‘Definitely burns hot, no question.’

I cut in angrily, ‘are you done? Can we skip the part where I pretend to care who you people are and just get on with it?’ The pair share an affirming smile.

‘Quite hot, you’re right Kara.’

‘This should be interesting.’

I turn and walk away from them, up towards the top of the hill. I pass Solomon but he doesn’t look at me. It does some work relieving the tension the pair had built.

Iver catches up beside me, ‘sorry about those two,’ he explains, ‘they can be arseholes, but they’re awesome creators.’ I don’t say anything. ‘Look, just remember what you’re here for, okay. You pull this off and there’s no telling how far it’ll take us - sky’s the limit yeah?’ He looks at me hopefully, but I can’t give him back the same look. The reasons we’re here are just too far removed to find common ground anymore.

Iver drops back, and I take a quick look over my shoulder at Blue. She doesn’t look worried or afraid. She stands straight and keeps her eyes moving, jumping them between the crowd, the creators, and me. For the first time, I realise how I really feel about her, how I’d felt ever since I saw her standing out so effortlessly from the collective around her. It isn’t love, how could it be, I am not a person capable of such things. The truth is that I want to be her. She is everything I’ve lost, everything that has been taken from me over the years, even before the expansion and the fall of the world. I’m infatuated by her, all that beauty, that gentle kindness, as naturally a part of her as the roots of the trees around us, grounding her and bringing her to life. But that will never be me.

I finish the walk with my eyes locked on the horizon, where the city meets the sky. I stand at the top of the hill, a silhouette against the night, and the collective roars to life at the sight of me. They shout my name. They shout lots of other things too, but the message is clear. They have been waiting for me, and I have finally come.

It’s about them, I remind myself. And they are just as afraid as I am. I breathe in, and exhale. I think about what I really want, why I’m really here. It’s not the desire for power, it’s the fear of having none. I take a running leap off the hill, and soar weightlessly into the sky, flying up and over the crowd. It isn’t hard, I have the entire collective helping me. They scream and shout my name and watch in awe as I fly over them. I stop when I reach the centre, floating like a spectre, revered like a god.

‘What are you waiting for?’ I bellow down at them. ‘Get up here and join me!’ My part is done, I’ve given them something to compare to, something new to want. Desire will take care of the rest. It always does.

It starts with only a few, the ones who want it most. They begin to rise and the people around them permeate with the fear of being left behind. And then they too find the desire they need. And slowly, one by one, they join me. And the night is filled with ascending people.

The collective hangs like lanterns in the sky. They brush the tops of trees and float over grass and water alike. The boldest are so high up that they block parts of the night sky from view. I stay where I am. Suspended in the middle of it all, and wait for Blue to find me. It doesn’t take her long. Her crimson hair floats around her like a living fire as she ascends to my side.

‘So far so good wouldn’t you say?’ I ask her.

‘It’s impressive,’ she replies, with an almost dreamy stare. ‘But it’s dangerous, you’re manipulating them, you know that right?’

‘I’m just showing them that creation doesn’t have to be limited, that they can think about the bigger picture, about each other.’

‘But they’re not thinking about each other, not directly anyway.’

I give up and change tactics, ‘and what are you thinking about?’

She grins, a little guiltily, ‘that I may have possibly been a bit wrong about Jhon and Clementine.’

I grin back teasingly, ‘admit it, you are enjoying this as much as the rest of us.’

‘Well, it is kind of spectacular, I’m only human,’ she jokes back. ‘It reminds me of my first memory. The crowd was so excited, like a sea of energy, do you remember?’ Her pale eyes are wide and full of wonder, as she smiles lovingly at me.

I hesitate for just a moment, ‘You mean your first memory of me, right? Of course I remember, it was a few days ago Blue.’

‘You were my first memory Solis, and I was just fit to burst with the excitement of the crowd, I feel so lucky! I mean, I don’t think many other people would have a first memory as good as mine, don’t you agree?’ Again she smiles, completely at ease.

I feel myself go tense all over. Suddenly alert, suddenly afraid. ‘Blue-‘

I don’t get to finish. Kara and Ezekiel appear in front of me. ‘He wants a word,’ barks Kara quickly. I’m disoriented, I can’t think straight. Kara loses patience with me, ‘Down there, get moving.’ She points towards the ground some 50 feet below me. I look down and see Jhon. He’s wearing the same light grey suit as before, standing with his hands in his pockets and his head tilted up towards the sky. I look back at Kara, then over to Blue, then back at Kara again. ‘Now,’ she says, as if to a disobedient child not following directions. I descend, quickly, leaving Blue and the others behind. I land softly on the grass just a few steps away from Jhon.

‘They took to it well,’ He says. ‘They believe in you Solis.’ His voice is soft, it’s hard to hear him over the noise of the collective above.

My head is still spinning as I reply, ‘I didn’t do much really, I helped a few of them at the start I guess. The rest kinda took care of themselves.’

Jhon looks at me excitedly. ‘That is exactly the point Solis. They didn’t need your help, they just needed a new reference point. Someone to teach them how to want more than what they had. They aren’t creating just for themselves anymore, they’re creating to keep up with everyone else, including you.’ I don’t know what to say. Jhon is trying to get a message across, to help me understand creation as he sees it. But I can’t bring my attention away from Blue.

You were my first memory. The words echo around my skull. Every muscle in my body is still tense and I can feel sweat beginning to trickle down my forehead.

‘I want to show you one more thing tonight, Solis,’ Jhon continues.

I try to listen.

My first memory…

I try harder.

‘There’s something I need to know, something I’ve been trying to find out since the beginning, when the old world I’d worked so hard to gain power in just crumbled away.’

My first memory.

There’s something not right with the way Jhon is looking at the people in the sky, something wrong with his smile. It’s the same smile my mother used to give me, when the nights caved in too tightly around her and she would search for some way, any way, to release the pain.

You were my first memory Solis…

Jhon goes on. ‘Is all of this just evolution’s way of telling us we’re too far gone?’ And then I hear someone screaming.

--- The first body drops from the sky.

Their limbs twist and flail and they scream all the way down. The sound of them breaking against the earth almost makes me sick. The next one lands much closer, the blood spraying in a fine mist far enough for me to feel it on my skin. This time I am sick.

When I look back up again, the sky is filled with falling bodies. Their screams shake the air. I forget about everything, about Blue and Jhon. Fear grips me, and the only thing that matters to me now is stopping this. I leap upwards, ready to rejoin the collective, ready to pour every ounce of desire I have into keeping the falling people afloat. But I come crashing back down almost instantly. I land awkwardly and stumble onto one knee.

‘That won’t do you much good, Solis,’ says Jhon. I turn and look at him. His hands are still in his pockets, and that sinister smile has not left his face.

‘What are you doing?’ My voice quivers.

‘What I’ve always done Solis.’ He still talks to me like I’m a child, failing to grasp the lesson. ‘I’m choosing where I want to stand.’ More screams rack the air. More bodies break against the ground.

‘By killing people?’ I say. My voice trembles.

‘By reminding people where they stand,’ he answers.

I try to create again, to get myself off the ground and away from him. But the familiar feeling sets into my mind, the feeling of thought and memory hiding just out of reach, and I know Jhon is blocking me. I fall back down to my knees.

‘There really is no point fighting, I was impressed with your little display against Clementine but he is, suffice it to say, an amateur compared to me.’

I look up at the sky. The collective is in chaos, people are descending or flying away in panic. The ones that fall are not chosen at random. They are being selected. I watch as Kara and the other creators swoop in on their victims, blocking them from creating and sending them tumbling towards the ground. I try to put the words together, to sum up the frustration, confusion, and fear. But in the end all I can choke out is a single word.

‘How?’

Jhon laughs. It is a hollow, rasping sound. ‘Ah, Solis, we really are so alike. Despite all this, the question you still need answered most is ‘how?’ How did you become the powerless one, am I right?’ He rasps out another eerie laugh. ‘I didn’t lie to you Solis. The old world may be dead, but nothing has really changed. The people who understand fear are still the people with all the power.’ He begins walking towards me with slow, measured steps. ‘You, and the people like you, seem to think that fear is somehow personal, that it is something happening specifically to you.’ He is getting closer. Every instinct I have screams at me to run, but I am locked in place, whether by his doing or my own I can’t tell. ‘Fear isn’t about you Solis.’ He draws closer. ‘It is about everybody else.’ He is just a few steps away now. ‘And the only thing you can do with fear, is use it.’ He kicks me in the face, hard. My head snaps backwards and the world spins and then I’m falling, and everything fades.