Chapter Six

It doesn’t register as a decision, but something, somewhere inside my mind decides that now is the right time to kill them.

I lunge at Kara. The tiniest part of me protests that it should be towards Jhon instead. But something about that red smear on her forehead propels my hatred in her direction.

I don’t make it far. My ankles and wrists snap back painfully, held by thick metal chains that bound them to the floor, like an animal on a leash.

‘Enough Solis,’ Jhon says calmly. ‘As you said, don’t beat yourself up. There was nothing you could do.’

I thrash at the chains, trying to create something, anything, but I know it’s no use. Jhon has me blocked. That impenetrable feeling, unwavering and suffocating.

‘They’re taking her back to the Firmament now, should have her handed over to Clementine by the time we get there,’ says Kara happily.

‘Hopefully still in one piece, more or less,’ Jhon replies sternly.

‘We beat all that pretty off her, but yeah, she’ll be breathing if that’s what you mean.’

Her words hit me like a crashing wave, and it takes a moment for me to understand them. Blue’s alive. Blue’s hurt.

‘I’ll be out in a moment Kara,’ he dismisses her with a nod. She looks at me, chained and full of rage, and one corner of her mouth cracks into a subtle smirk. Then she turns back down the corridor and disappears from view. ‘Now then,’ says Jhon, turning his full attention to me. ‘Putting aside the fact that I know you would kill me were we in each other’s positions, I would still just like to say that this is only a very small bit personal. Mostly, it’s just the practical thing to do.’ He walks directly in front of me, just out of reach of my bounded hands. ‘It will be quick,’ He says. He holds up a finger. Balancing on its very tip is a gold cased bullet. He points his finger at a spot right between, and slightly above, my eyes.

It’s not fear that makes me say it, and it’s not hope either. It forces its way out in a quaking whisper, like it knows this is the last chance it will ever get to do so. ‘She’s a creation.’

Time stands as perfectly still as we do. Jhon doesn’t blink, his eyes move imperceptibly. The bullet doesn’t move either.

‘She’s my creation, Jhon.’ I hate hearing how pleading my voice sounds, but there is nothing I can do to keep it out of my words.

Jhon speaks like a man whose mind is racing. ‘I don’t believe you.’

‘You do!’ I throw back at him, ‘you asked me, you knew there was something about her, something different.’

Jhon’s eyes have finally changed. They crease in the center and narrow his stare. ‘It’s not possible.’

‘It happened right here!’ I begin to shout, but the effect is weakened by the trembling in my voice, ‘at your own fucking collective Jhon, and i’ll rip your fucking heart out of your chest if you hurt her, do you believe that Jhon, do you believe me now you pathetic little cowar-‘ He hits me in the jaw, hard. My entire skull vibrates with the impact and I feel bile rise up from my stomach, burning the back of my throat.

He doesn’t take his gaze off me, and he keeps the bullet pointed squarely at my face as I sway unsteadily, barely keeping my feet. A flash of fury passes across his face and he levels the bullet at me with fierce intent. And then a moment passes, and another one after that. I lose track of how many go by. I keep my feet, and I wait patiently for him to make up his mind.

‘No,’ he says, finally and with conviction, ‘we will find the truth first. You can die just as easily later.’

--- I’m bound, and blindfolded. My feet shuffle forward, slowly and awkwardly. I lose my balance with every unexpected dip or rise of the pavement. Nobody talks, but I can hear them breathing. Jhon’s subtle inhales are barely noticeable, but Kara breathes out forcefully, full of emotion.

Nothing changes for a long time. I shuffle, I stumble, I listen to them breathing. I focus on the motion of it. After a while it begins to form a pattern in my head, a rhythm, and the more I think about it the clearer the rhythm becomes. I walk to the music of footsteps and flowing air. It distracts me, occupying my mind, exactly what I need it to do. I’m grateful. But the song doesn’t last forever.

‘Take her straight down, room D,’ Jhon orders.

I feel a pull on my chains and follow its direction. The rhythm of my steps is shattered by the stairwell, I walk down it as tentatively as I can, but Kara doesn’t seem to think that being blindfolded is a good enough reason to slow the pace. I almost fall at least a half dozen times.

The next sound I hear is the strain of a heavy door, swinging on aging hinges. I’m pushed onto a chair, I can feel the chains tug awkwardly as they bind me to it.

‘You’re friend, she’s getting what she deserves.’ Kara’s voice is thick with anger. And pain.

‘So did Ezekial,’ I whisper back, not because I believe it, just because I know she loved him, and it would hurt her. She hits me, hard, in the stomach. I cough and gag, the taste of bile returns. I hear her footsteps leave the room, the heavy door slamming shut behind them. I slowly, painfully, re-catch my breath. And then I’m waiting again, with only my own ragged breathing to listen to. I think about escape, but my mind keeps steering me away from it. I know I would never make it out of this place. Not alone.

I keep waiting, but I do not have to wait long.

The door creaks once more, and the blindfold is pulled off. It is done gently, but the sensation still makes me flinch. Clementine looks down on me, his face is full of disappointment, like I had failed to live up to his expectations and we were both now paying the price.

‘Unfortunate thing, this situation we find ourselves in,’ says Clementine, and he sounds like he means every word, ‘but Jhon has made it perfectly clear how necessary it is.’

I stare at Clementine with clear disbelief, ‘You know Jhon’s insane, you must know.’

‘He’s not insane,’ Clementine says sadly, ‘though I won’t begrudge you the opinion.’

‘Opinion?’ I say, weakly. I feel tears stinging in the corner of my eyes.

‘Yes, an opinion, one perspective amongst many,’ he says, with some of his usual condescending tone, ‘it doesn’t make you right, just as it doesn’t make you wrong. From certain perspectives, insane is exactly what he is. But not from all of them.’

‘Then enlighten me,’ I dare him, ‘How does a man like Jhon look from the perspective of one of his puppets?’ I don’t ask to get an answer, just to keep him talking. It’s the only thing I can think to do.

‘Like a saviour,’ says Clementine.

I want to laugh at him, but it’s like I have forgotten how. More tears sting my eyes.

‘He’s helping them, Solis,’ Clementine continues, ‘the powerful used to own the world, but the rest of the people got to live in it. I mean, really live in it. They had safety, security. They had a society. Look what happened after the expansion. The power shifted, right into the hands of the people. They could have turned this world into a paradise, a thing they always claimed was being denied them. They had the chance right in the palm of their hands. And instead they tore the world apart, at the first taste of control.’ Clementine looks bitter as he speaks, angry even. A shadow of something more hangs behind those calculating eyes. ‘We all lost things...’ He trails off. The shadow behind his eyes becomes clearer. It is filled with great pain. When he continues his voice is resolved, and his mind is cold and meticulous once more. ‘He’s going to bring it back, Solis, the order, the stability. A real Society. The same way it has always been done, by keeping the power out of the hands of the people.’

‘He can have it, I don’t care anymore, Blue and I will leave, we’ll never come back,’ I say, but my voice is lacking any real conviction. Clementine looks at me with a sad smile. He shakes his head with small subtle movements, but they resound in my head as if he had screamed at me instead.

I hear footsteps approaching, they get louder, and my heart keeps pace. Solomon appears in the doorway. He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t acknowledge me in any way. He places himself in the corner nearest the door and gives a curt nod to Clementine.

‘So we are ready then,’ Clementine says, more to himself than to Solomon.

My heart is beating too fast, I can’t seem to catch my breath. ‘What are you going to do?’

Clementine answers in a methodical way, his voice clear of emotion, like this is nothing more than another experiment. ‘Jhon and I are in agreement that the clearest method of finding out if Blue is indeed, your creation, is to have you repeat the act.’ He looks me over, his eyes darting to different points around my body, and I get that familiar feeling of being dissected. ‘From all accounts, the events that took place at Eden put you under extreme and life-threatening circumstances. We will attempt to replicate such an experience.’

Every muscle in my body tenses in fear. I look over at Solomon, his eyes glance up at mine, and I see something in them I can’t quite understand through the panic that grips me. His face is heavy, his shoulders slack, his body language silently reading sorry.

I turn back to Clementine, sick with panic, ‘I don’t know how I did it, it was an accident,’

‘You do, Solis,’ he replies, ‘we just need to find the right motivation to bring it out. Don’t worry, we will start slow, the sooner you put your mind to the task the sooner this whole thing will be over.’

‘What if I can’t? What if I was lying?’ There’s real hysteria in my voice now.

‘Then, you have made a very grave mistake,’ he replies honestly.

I thrash at my chains until they dig painfully into my skin. I try to focus, try to gather myself together, preparing to create something, anything to free me from this chair. But it is no use. I can feel the weight on my mind, blocking me from creating, like Clementine has reached into my brain and removed a part of it, the most important part of it.

‘I know it will be tempting to try and break free, or hurt me in some way,’ says Clementine. ‘Which is why Solomon has been asked to attend, though not quite skilled enough to block a creator such as yourself, between the two of us we should be more than capable of keeping you from any, unintended activity. Not to worry though, we will be actively helping you with your main task. I am aware you had an entire collective supporting you at Eden, but two of the finest creators in the city should more than substitute for it, don’t you think?’

‘No,’ I say weakly.

‘That’s not a very good attitude, Solis.’ He puts his hands together and looks at me over the top of them, a look of concentration on his lined face. I can’t decide if it would be worse to know what he is thinking, or not. After a few moments, he continues, ‘we need this to feel real, threatening on an existential level. Solomon’s attempt to consume you must have been an experience horrific enough to cause you to splinter yourself, as a last ditch effort to survive.’ He speaks as if he is commenting on an interesting problem at work. ‘We will, of course, be using less dangerous methods,’ he looks at Solomon with clear disapproval, ‘Solomon has been informed how lucky he is that his attempt to consume you failed, it is not something that can be done without consequence. We are forever tainted by the things we consume.’ He moves in closer to me, I can smell the sweat on his brow and upper lip. ‘We will be staying away from such mistakes here. There are plenty of other methods at our disposal, starting I think, with our most fundamental need, the supply of oxygen.’

I don’t have time to scream. My view of Clementine is blurred instantly as a sphere of water envelops me from the shoulders up. My mind explodes in panic, I open my mouth and it fills with water. I pull at the chains that bind me but they hold fast. My head shakes from side to side viciously but it can’t escape the sphere around it. I try to create, I put everything I have into it. I feel my lungs burn and I put effort I didn’t even know I have into it as well. And nothing happens. The water is growing darker, or my eyes are drifting closed, I can’t tell either way. Even the pain seems to be fading.

Then the water drops, crashing down over my body. I take great gulping breaths, my mind is still reeling but it knows well enough to breathe, like this is the last air on earth.

‘I felt you fighting us every step of the way,’ says Clementine angrily. ‘This isn’t about escape, it is about release. Work with us, and it will be over much faster.’

I shake and stutter as I reply. ‘I c-can’t, I don’t know how, I told you, p-please,’

Clementine looks down at me, completely calm, with an expression of stern determination. ‘Then we will have to learn how, together.’

The water is back before my breathing has had a chance to slow. It is crushing, suffocating, and the pain is worse than before. So is the fear.

--- ‘How is she?’

‘As expected.’

‘And the progress, has that also been as expected?’

‘That depends on what you were hoping to get out of all this.’

‘Don’t be snide, a yes or no will suffice, has there been any sign of progress?’

‘No, none at all.’

The voices seem to come from somewhere far away. I hear the words, but I can’t piece them together, they remain isolated, and meaningless.

‘And this has nothing to do with your approach, I take it. You aren’t holding back?’

‘I assure you, I am taking the most extreme measures possible.’

‘Perhaps it is time I tried a few of my own, if you don’t mind?’

‘By all means.’

I feel a strong grip across my jaw, and my head is tilted upwards. I squint my eyes, and the image comes into focus. Jhon is standing in front of me. He looks disgusted, his eyes tracing over me with growing unease. ‘You look - forgive me for being so blunt - like shit.’

I spit out a mess of phlegm and blood. It doesn’t go far, most of it ending up drooling down my chin.

‘Perhaps I was wrong about you Solis,’ he says, ‘but perhaps not. Let’s find out shall we, once and for all.’ He turns away from me, letting my head drop back down, too weak to hold itself up on its own. ‘Go get her,’ Jhon barks at someone, I try to get a sense of who else is in the room but quickly give up, I don’t have the energy to care. Jhon’s voice returns, closer this time, a whisper in my ear, ‘I think see the problem, Solis.’ His voice is almost caring, ‘fortunately, I also think I have the solution.’ This time I don’t even try to care, I sit there, still and lifeless, bound in chains and resigned to let Jhon say or do whatever he is going to do. Then I hear a sound that stirs me. My head raises slowly.

It is a soft and fragile thing, echoing around the confined space. It is full of great pain and sorrow. I never thought I would hear Blue make such a sound. Hearing it now hurts me in ways I never thought possible.

‘Blue?’ I say to her, like we are the only ones left in the room. The only ones on Earth. She looks at me from down on the floor where they put her. Her left eye is swollen closed, blood is crusting over cuts and grazes across her face and shoulders. From the way she holds her side, I can tell her injuries spread much further down as well.

‘I’m sorry,’ she says, her voice filtered through agony and gritted teeth, ‘I didn’t mean to, Solis.’

My vision flashes white, a feeling beyond rage takes hold of me. I turn back to Jhon. ‘I swear, I’ll kill you for doing this to her,’ I don’t raise my voice, I don’t have to. My rage envelops every word.

‘Ah, that is the problem though isn’t it. I didn’t do this to her, Solis. You did.’ I hold his stare. He smiles. ‘You see, I believe you. I believe you completely. There is no doubt anymore that Blue was made, not born.’ She whimpers again at his words, softer this time, like it is only meant for me. ‘I know because you made a mistake, a terrible one. This girl is far from human. And the proof was easy to find, all I had to do was ask her a few simple questions.’ He leans closer to me, and lowers his voice. ‘Listen closely, this next part concerns you, and it’s important you understand.’ He watches me like a hungry bird of prey, eyes wide with fascination, and body poised for the strike. ‘You cursed her Solis, you removed any chance she had of surviving in this world. Can you guess why? No, well, I will help you. You created her with something quite unnatural, a subversion of fear, a reversal of its purpose, and it has caused her more pain than I ever could. Your creation, your Blue, is the only living thing on this planet that is more afraid for others than she is for herself. Can you picture it, Solis? Try as hard as you can. The pain you have caused her. The deaths at the collective, the fear she must have felt, like watching her own death, over and over again. She had to save them of course, who can blame her? What happened to Ezekiel was an accident of course, but it added tremendously to her fear and suffering, another death added to the weight of her pain. She disappeared, but she stayed close to you, close to us all. And when Kara and the others found her following you, she didn’t put up a fight, didn’t try to stop them. She was too afraid of hurting someone else. Easier to just let them do this to her instead,’ he indicates towards her bruising and bloodied appearance. ‘I have only one concern left, one question I need answered. What could it have possibly taken for you to create such a doomed and beautiful creature?’

I keep looking at Blue. I couldn’t have answered Jhon even if I wanted to.

‘Your life was threatened, your very existence was about to be wiped away. The fear I understand, but not the result.’ He moves over to Blue, crouching down beside her. He points at her head. A bullet resting on the tip of his finger. ‘So I’ll ask you, one last time, with her life in the balance instead of yours. How?’

I give him the only answer I can. I speak with guilt heavy on my voice, ‘Blue is everything I know I’ll never be.’

He doesn’t move. He keeps the bullet pointed at Blue as he speaks, ‘I was wrong about you Solis,’ his voice is full of loathing, ‘you are more damaged than I thought. At the brink of death, and all you could save was the idea of yourself, the lie.’ He gestures to Kara, who pulls Blue back up to her feet.

‘Jhon, please,’ my voice is hoarse with a mixture of pleading and anger, ‘you have what you want, let us go.’

‘What I have Solis, is the most profound creation in existence, and you.’ There is something new in his eyes now, something close to hunger. ‘No, this is far from over, it has only just begun.’ He turns to Kara, ‘take her back to the other room.’ Kara’s eyes are wide, her mouth taunt in defiance, but she obeys. I watch her half drag, half carry Blue out of the room. We make eye contact for just a moment, but it is enough.

I’m coming for you Blue, I promise her, and they are all going to die.

‘And what would you like us to do with our charming friend here?’ Clementine asks. Jhon looks at me with vacant eyes. ‘Let’s not give up on her so quickly. We must help her unlock her true potential after all. Keep trying to draw out another creation, and notify me of any progress immediately, though, I will understand if it takes you quite some time.’ He doesn’t take his eyes off mine. ‘Try to think of your experience down here as an opportunity to learn,’ he smiles, ‘I know that is unlikely to bring you much comfort, but still, every little bit helps.’ he turns his back on me, and walks out of the room.

Clementine lets out a deep sigh, ‘It seems we have a lot of work still ahead of us Solis, I will do my best to speed the progress along but it really does rest on you.’

‘I wouldn’t worry too much,’ I reply flatly, ‘you won’t be alive very much longer.’

Clementine looks at me with a stony expression, ‘threats are only going to extend the process, it does no good for either of us.’ He glances over his shoulder to Solomon, as if to reaffirm he was still there. He turns back to me, ‘you are not in a position to do anything, but work with me.’

It’s my turn to look at Solomon. He stands in the corner of the room, unchanged through all of this. But he meets my gaze, and something jumps into the forefront of my mind, a truth I’ve known for almost two years now, and one I am convinced Solomon has now learned. We are forever tainted by the things we consume.

Slowly, carefully, Solomon gives me a brief but deliberate nod.

Clementine is talking again, ‘what we need is a more personalised fear, one that threatens not just your life, but who you are as a person,’ he says in his usual candour. ‘I think perhaps, the loss of your vocal chords might suffice,’ he brandishes a thin metallic scalpel appearing suddenly in his right hand.

‘Wait!’ I call out, loud enough to make him pause in shock. ‘I think I have a better idea.’

He smiles arrogantly, and opens his mouth to reply. But his words never make it out.

Suddenly, violently, he drops down to his knees vomiting up bile and blood. His body shakes, he bleeds from his eyes and his ears and he screams silently, unable to produce a sound. He drops forward, lifelessly. The whole thing is over in less than 10 seconds.

‘What did you do to him?’ says Solomon. It isn’t an accusation, just a question.

‘The same thing he was trying to do to me, just faster.’ I break the chains off me easily, my mind elated with the freedom to create again. ‘I tore him apart, from the inside out.’

Solomon looks at me, grave faced and foreboding. ‘We are still both going to die.’

‘Then why help me at all?’

‘Because...’ he pauses, a great sadness etched into the lines of his face.

I walk over to him, looking up at his face, close enough to really see the details for the first time since our fight. The difference is clear to me now. Solomon has not been the same man since that night, anymore than I have. I find myself wondering how much of my influence he feels, whether he hears my voice, the same way I hear my mothers. ‘You’re right Solomon, we’re going to die,’ my voice holds itself steady. ‘But Jhon is going to die first.’